Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm so good at cooking, that the smoke alarm is cheering me on!

   won't take no for an answer. Unless the answer he wants is no, then he will take no for an answer.

   thinks we need to stand by our North Korean Allies.

   loves when people just click the 'like' button on a thread of comments cause they're too lazy to add another comment

   Obama gets 12 stitches in his lip after basketball game. Impending war with North Korea but hey, let's shoot some hoops!!

   remembers the days when 'Black Friday' was referred to as 'Colored Friday'

   Figured It Out Black Friday is Like Child birth,U know Its gonna Be a LONG process,Ur Even excited about it the night B4 It Happens BUT as soon as it starts It Hurts Like Hell,U Wanna Kill Every1,pray that it ends soon & promises to never 2 do it again

   Diarreah the day after thanksgiving is a turkeys last revenge...

   having second thoughts.. and confused cause I completely skipped the first ones !

   If we hear a burglar stumbling around our house in the dark why do we yell out 'Who's There'? Do we really expect them to yell back their name?

   When you ask a person in a strange town for directions why do they say 'I haven't got a clue'? Don't they understand that you want directions instead of clues?

   Why do people look up when they think?

   Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?

   We usually dislike people who cheat, lie, or rip us off. So why do we knowingly vote for them to manage our country?

   n't the problem with political jokes the fact that they keep getting re-elected? (

   X says Karma is like 69.....you get what you give....:)

   Saying over the store microphone "Attention all shoppers, we're having an 85% off toy sale in the tire and lube area" sure opens the check out lines fast.

   Women never hate men enough to give us our diamonds back.

   Black Friday is America's version of Running with the Bulls!

   "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek.