Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   got kicked out of bowling tonight for spiking the ball after I made a strike.

   one wrong key stroke and my last status was "Due to a high phone bill I'm switching to Bondage".

   browsing dating sites for women that are "currently separated" because they will be getting lots of money upcoming divorces and are potential sugar mamas!

   an agent of chaos.

   wondering what idiot put a silent "t" in the word "listen"?

   Take photos of friends with their face squished against glass. Assign to your phone contacts... it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone!

   Any relationship before marriage is just training.

   Prank: Have 10 friends call the same phone # for a week & ask for Jim. Then call it yourself & say “this is Jim, do I have any messages?”

   You don't find the meaning of life, the meaning of life finds you.

   These liberty tax male lady liberty people on the side of the road make me happy I'm not them.

   Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.

   Nothing makes people happier than when you are wrong and they are right.

   wondering why villians just don't shoot Batman in the chin?

   putting up a new business in town; Zodiac Signs Tattoo Removal.

   Well I don't like you, and you don't like me. Oh you like me? Okay then I don't like you, and you like me.

   Some people struggle with their addictions. I embrace them.

   Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing. Then I can continue killing you with beer.

   You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

   Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

   girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.