Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.

   Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream... of spring. Ciao

   Of course the snow is really "coming down" out there. What? As opposed to it going up?

   President Obama is celebrating Black History Month, but just for the first two weeks.........

   For those men who don't pee in the shower, I SALUTE you!!

   My wakeup song this morning was Strokin IT by Clarence Carter!!!! Must have been all that wishful dreaming last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Groundhog just slid a note under the door that read 6 more months winter. Don't worry I've got my shotgun and I'm asking him again.

   Happy Groundhogs Day. No way Phil is coming out of his hole today.....

   Two winners for mega millions. One in Indiana and one in Michigan. I hope they both lose their tickets in the snow!

   Women need a reason to have sex.. Men just need a place

   This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather

   I think this whole verify your account thing is a bunch of garbage. So I'm not going to follow the crowd and "verify" mine...so if you lose me as a friend I guess they were serious lol

   happy CAPS LOCK DAY

   Hosni Mubarak should have listened to me when I told him to get rid of that Justin Bieber song from his i-pod playlist

   PROUD to be serving as a Paratrooper in the U.S. Army Infantry....

   COOL TIP: If a homeless person is ever asking you for money, cut them off and say "hey do you got a dollar". (This usually throws them off)

   I guess tomorrow they're going to change the little guy's name to Punxsutawney Popsicle.

   My liver is so cute when it's all like... "Oh God!!! someone please help me!"

   this is going to be a long black history month of hennesy, watermelon and friend chicken

   do they name cyclones after women because it comes, takes all your stuff and leaves