Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out

   After years in hiding, Osama Bin Laden walked into a bar. He ordered a shot and water chaser.

   I will never be too old to enjoy driving by a stranger, honking, and waving just to see the confused look on their face and awkward wave back.

   Regardless of whether or not I should know better, I thought we had already established that no, I do not.

   Jim Morrison was right: People ARE strange.

   Because of cell phones, kids today will never know what it's like to choke their friends with a phone cord.

   I shot Big Foot and dumped him in the ocean before I could get any pictures.

   I'm thinking about becoming a psychic...But I don't know what people would think.

   cant believe the yanks but the bin out on a bank holiday

   Trump: OBL is still alive...he is in a cave in the Tora Bora Mountains with Obama's Kenyan birth certificate

   they should have captured bin laden, tied him to a tree filled with ants, then let all his victims stab him with a toothpick to death

   just like a good strom--slept right through the Royal Wedding.

   just returned from Pakistan--does anyone know how to clean the dirt out from under your nails? no specific reason as to why.

   sick of all this Osama Bin Laden news already - OK, he'd gone, great. What do I have to do to get a Charlie Sheen update?!!

   Take this Charlie Sheen: Ebay just told me I'm "winning!"

   hoorah to navy seal team 6 for taking out public enemy #1. any chance we can send these guys after whoever is setting the gas prices?

   Now that Bin Laden is dead, can I finally bring shampoo on a plane?

   It hasn't even been 36 hours and the "Bin Ladn set the world record for hide and seek" joke is already overused and stale. That in itself is a world record.

   may not be the best, but I'm the best I've ever seen

   Right now , Satan has Osama bent over and giving him his reward .