Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey, parents. Stop raising children and start raising adults.

   I had so much no sex last night.

   it possible to love the one you're with but not be able to stand the sound of their breathing? Asking for a friend

   My love language is paranoia.

   Starbucks has raised their coffee prices. They should change their name to "Coffee! Starring your Bucks".

   I am running for King in our next election, this president su - cks. . .

   Hodor from G.O.T is basically a Pokemon all he can is his name and he dose not add anything to the conversation

   I refuse to jump on the 'I hate Mondays'bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally

   Women who like to have a gay BFF;Yes its all fun and games until he try and steal your man.

   So the Pope has parted ways with the Mafia? I love how humans picks other humans to lord over them.

   The Pope has excommunicated the Mafia? When will the internal struggles end within the Roman church. Can't they all just get along like the one big family that they are?

   Sticks and Stones and Trademarks may break my bones

   How the heck can people get so excited over a game that can end in a tie? Is it gratifying when you're kissing your sister as well?

   Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.

   I love scary movies. I've seen Ghostbusters at least 6 times.

   Sing it with me! I ...... I believe.... I believe that they just tied. I believe that they just tied. I believe that they just tied.

   Back in the 60's the pot called the kettle a different word.

   Beauty lies in the eye of the beer-holder.

   Sorry I told you I could tell you don't give your husband BJs from the look he had in your family portrait.

   I get all my dating advice from my Wife's boyfriend. Then I do the opposite.