Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What one person receives without working for .... another person must work for without receiving

   365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling equals 1 light year

   ..... Hmmmm ...... Whay are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii?

   How come when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

   Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

   ..... The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

   Most people my age are older than me.

   If Trump becomes President of the United States ..... Will he rename the plane .... Hair Force One?

   Bernie Sanders said recently that he loves taking selfies. Well ... once he figures out how to take them on his rotary phone that is.

   Hillary Clinton announced she has joined Instagram to help with her campain ..... . Meanwhile .... Bernie Sanders joined telegram.

   Dear justin beiber haters Please respect him.. I owe my life to him last year I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident.. One day my nurse turned on the radio to Justin's song...I got up and turned off the radio

   Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club

   My son got a Student of the Month award today. It wasn't his, but still...

   A midget fortuneteller broke out of the county jail. Police report there is a small medium at large.

   When I'm down to my last bit of weed, I like to take my time and savor the thought of who will be my first stabbing victim.

   Sometimes I prefer to use my face for emoticons.

   I have to be successful because I have very expensive taste.

   I'll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color.

   You couldn't handle me, even if I came with instructions.

   If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?