Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Shut up about the red cup and drink your fkn coffee. #StarbucksRedCup

   I just want to find a radio station that isn't playing the new Adele song,,,, is that too much to ask.

   Yep, no one will notice you're fat if you use a dog or little kids for a profile pic.

   OK WHERE CAN I EAT AT AND NOT PISS EVERYBODY OFF?

   CAN I JUST GET A DAMM CUP OF COFFEE?

   what if I am a high ranking illuminatii and dont even know it

   I never leave the house because my phone charger cord isn't long enough.

   If you have enough cash, you can humiliate and take the dignity of any woman you want.

   I love my women like I love my Keurig coffee, disposable after a single use.

   I like my women like I like my online forms, easy to submit.

   SOB...Get me a drink

   What do you mean you're pregnant? We slept on the pull out bed.

   I really should get out of this destructive relationship, and find someone better, but I'd hate to mess up a good thing.

   I do understand women, but I don't know how to explain them to you.

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   I like my women like.oh never mind its all the same in the dark

   I am a US Veteran. I didn't do it for the thank you's or the free stuff. I did it because I wasn't college material.

   We don't care about your taste in women and cups of coffee. Thank you.

   Last time there was this much crap over a cup there were two girls involved

   I'm someones reason to drink