Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Happy Friendship day.. is much like.. Happy Friendzone day!

   Dear Hospital this chicken broth would be much better if it had noodles, corn and chicken in it.

   When does the rioting start in Memphis? Oh wait black guy killed a white cop. Nevermind

   Relationship status - Ronda Rousey

   Always be yourself. Even if you have to fake it.

   I'd last 34 seconds also with Ronda rousey

   Police ordered me to get out of my car 'You're staggering' said the officer .'you're not a bad looking f*cker yourself' I replied

   I took my son to soccer practice for the first time today and I was amazed at the number of moms pulling up in 4x4's I thought to myself, "They will never use those for off-roading." Then I saw them trying to park.

   The speed and graphics on Microsoft Windows 10 is gonna be SO GOOD we'll be able to down load twice the social anxiety disorders in HALF the time...!!!!

   R.I.P to any guy that ever cheats on Ronda Rousey

   It's been an exhausting day of pretending I'm a pleasant person.

   R.I.P to any girl that looks at Ronda Rousey's man the wrong way

   Welcome to Killadellphia, no if ands or Bots!

   Cougars should be called eager beavers.

   Go on Christian Mingle ONE TIME, and they have to perform an exorcism on the whole site?

   I just watched Bug's Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn.

   To the high school counselor who told me I'd never amount to anything: spot on, dude. You, sir, are a psychic.

   "Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.

   This world is getting so uptight!!... Buck Owens once had a tiger by the tail and nobody batted an eye!!

   As far as being a white man, this is the worse century to be born in. Our kids will be slaves in the next 100 years.