Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4900 of 6451

Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
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07-12-2015 21:16
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You don't know a woman unless you understand what she's not saying to U.
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07-12-2015 21:25
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Ladies, I now understand the whole "my eyes are up here" thing ever since I started wearing a sword.
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07-12-2015 21:35
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I've stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
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07-12-2015 21:36
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I'm collecting Canadian followers, in case I have to cross the border unexpectedly,,
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07-12-2015 21:42
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OMG I met the perfect guy! Maybe I can fix him. - Women.
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07-12-2015 21:45
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Of course Snoop volunteered to play outfield for today's Celebrity Softball Game in Cincinnati. That's where the grass is!
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07-12-2015 22:17 by cpaman
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people are so quick to tell a smoker that cigarettes killed their grandma. They leave out that she was 90 yrs old. Maybe that was part of the reason too.
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07-13-2015 01:39
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I'm living in a drama-free bubble today.
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07-13-2015 08:51
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May order Greek delivery for dinner tonite. Plan to just tell the driver what I'm prepared to pay.....
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07-13-2015 09:36
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If your girlfriend has a friend that annoys you, don't tell her to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how pretty she is.

So 50 Cent is all he's worth now?
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07-13-2015 14:03 by Bward
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50 cents files for bankruptcy. That's all he had to his name
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07-13-2015 14:37
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Trump was missing from Miss Universe contest. Did El Chapo's escape have anything to do with it, being a mexican?
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07-13-2015 14:48
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My Man Crush Monday is: Obama. I hope a rock falls, and crushes his head.

Another day ruined by responsibly
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07-13-2015 19:40
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If you think you're having a bad day just remember, at least you're not receiving death threats by one of the world most powerful drug lord.
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07-13-2015 20:09 by Rollen
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Hey Youtube, you've got a grammatical error on your website... Its "You WILL skip ad in 5 seconds"... not, "You CAN skip ad in 5 seconds"
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07-13-2015 20:35 by snotty
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50 cent is broke wants to be called 5 cent now
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07-13-2015 22:12
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Breaking news: 50 Cent is looking to play a gig for Nickleback.
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07-13-2015 23:33
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