Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Faffing: The excessive use of time for nonsense activities....Faffometer: A device or means for measuring the amount of time spent faffing around (as I am doing when writing this entry)

   wonders which black athlete or rapper Caitlyn will end up dating? ♠️

   Your selfie needs more paper bag.

   Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner said that the wierdest thing about transforming into a woman is that he still likes watching football but he no longer really understands it.

   "WTH, I can't seem to parallel park anymore" - Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner

   I still think I'm in my 20s sometimes...until I try to do something like I'm in my 20s.

   I just shouted at a guy driving aSmartCar..... and I think I totaled it.

   Be careful,,, A vetrinary receptionist has the power to know everyone's password.

   Hmmmm,, Texting while driving is illegal,,, but you can go ahead and eat a burrito while putting on mascara?

   Bruce Jenner wears a dress in public and Vanity Fair asks him for a photo shoot. I wear a dress in public and the police ask me for a breathalyzer.

   I think a UPS truck, is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.

   Oh, so you're religious? *backs away slowly*

   Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.

   Blind belief is so often the death of reason.

   The human heart is amazing. It can get hurt and in a few days it ready to get out and get some more pain.

   Suarez must be on a diet. He didnt bite anyone..*Dissapointed*

   I went grocery shopping hungry and I'm now the proud owner of aisles 6, 8, 9, 12, and most of the bakery.

   I joined Farmersonly.com and I've already hooked up with my sister and 2 cousins!!

   If you ever look in the mirror and wonde if your look is still in style, remember there are still guys with pony tails so you're probably not that bad...

   [stands up in church] Okay I’m starting to think some of this stuff isn’t true you guys.