Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   PRO TIP: If you see a distressed woman scraming about her lost baby, don't offer to help her make a new one.

   surprised that Kate and William didn't go with my suggested royal baby name of Princess Consuela Bananahammock!

   Only in America Media and News is Brainwashing People!! Do not believe what you hear or see.

   the next time terrorism happens because the image of Mohammed is shown, I swear everyone on Facebook should post that same image of Mohammed. Can't stop us all!

   Cinco de Mayo: May the 5th be with you.

   So, who won the drawing contest anyway?? :P

   If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.

   Hey? Islamis radicals..if your God tells you to kill people..please start with your self. Thanks real Americans!!

   You know what really gets a lady wet?........Rain.

   I said I was hungry, she thought I said I was horny. Long story short, best first date ever..

   The average octopus spends two thirds of its life rolling its sleeves up

   You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. - alcohol

   I'm no magician, but they've never found the bodies I made disappear.

   Since building the 6 million dollar man in the 70s, he's depreciated in value so much over time he's now known as 50cent.

   It’s only every seven years that you get to celebrate Taco Tuesday and Cinco De Mayo on the same day.

   Damn gurl... Are you left over pizza from Saturday night because I was going to get rid of you but now that I'm drunk ur all I can think about.

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.

   I just accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it says I have Gary Busey.

   I don't need to know how to read Chinese to know that your neck tatoo says "I earn minimum wage"

   Everyone wants to be Mexican for today Cinco De Mayo.. But nobody wants to work like Juan