Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Me, to wife: "I don't need a shopping list, I can remember." * Returns from grocery store with portrait of Abe Vigoda and a yak. *

   The Earth revolves around the Sun at a speed of 18.5 miles/sec and spins on its axis at 1,040 mph. So yeah, I got some exercise today.

   I bet I can hold my breath longer than you. In fact, I bet you can't hold my breath at all.

   It's gonna ba Manny Vs Money tonight....

   I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box

   Why don't they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?

   Mayweather hugged on Manny more during that fight then my dad did the whole time I was growing up.

   Floyd Mayweather has revealed that his secret to his win over Manny Pacquiao was tips from Usain Bolt!

   I need a girlfriend that hugs me if we fight.

   I wish I could run away from my problems like Mayweather did.

   Mayweather landed more punches on his wife than he did on Manny.

   Hey Mayweather, you're supposed to hug your wife and punch your opponent. Not the other way around

   Kanye be like "Beyonce should have won that fight."

   Time to call HBO and tell them my kids ordered this fight by mistake

   All those hugs at the May-Pac fight last night should have been followed with the referee giving a swift kick to their butts.

   Somebody tell mayweather he is supposed to hug his wife and punch the guy in the ring, not the other way around

   Mayweather Wasn't Hugged as a Child. Since Daddy Went To Prison. That's Why Guys..

   I'm not surprised Mayweather won. After all, he has a punching bag in his bedroom.

   I guess everyone can stop pretending that they are interested in boxing

   I've seen several post fight interviews with Floyd Mayweather. I beez wish Mayweather cud beez talking in da propers englis that literates speaks wif. That said. I won't his cash.