Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   American people are not evil people. If given the right information they will do the right thing. The problem lies with their lack of information/incorrect information. Robbin - I concur

   II have a strange feeling this year's "must have" Halloween costume will be a level 4 biohazard suit

   Did You know if you unscramble 'Ebola Outbreak', it reads: We just want to scare you suckers like we did with Swine Flu, Bird Flu, Antharax, AIDS and high gas prices. Because scarring the public is what the government who created them is what they're go

   When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous and six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.

   OK. The US is sending troops to West Africa to fight Ebola and humanitarian aid to the Middle East to fight ISIS. How the hell did we ever win two World Wars?

   Helen Keller wrote 12 books and I just put my shirt on inside out.

   FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. I was wrong.

   somewhere there a stoner watching the news hearing about Ebola & they ask "a bowl of what"

   Yelp ,,, But for public bathrooms that are clean enough to take your kid into.

   I'm giving out ex-lax with ghosts on them for Halloween,,, so it comes back to haunt them.

   FYI: Apple's app store had an app called "I Am Rich." It cost $999.99, did absolutely nothing, and 8 people bought it.

   I saw this big guy in brand new Nikes running down the road with a huge TV in his arms. I thought briefly, "That looks like mine." Then I realized, mine wears adidas.

   well Notre Dame fans...In about a year FSU will have to vacate this victory so you have that to look forward to

   If I have to text you first every time we talk, then I'm just goign to drop and block you!

   If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.

   I maybe heaven sent but I can also bring hell

   I never lose sleep over my enemies its my friends that keep me awake.

   You dating 3 people and you say you are in a relationship!!! Lol nah you are in a group activity.

   Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.

   What doesn't kill you, adapts to make sure it kills you the next time.