Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just seen a picture of Rihanna fully dressed. Man these hackers don't sleep.

   Samsung won't stop until they create a TV so curved it watches itself.

   Lime flies when you're having rum.

   Don't know how you got your head that far up your ass with your foot in your mouth, but damn thats impressive.

   What's a bae and can I deep fry it and dip it in cheese?

   Maybe cigarettes don't give you cancer. Maybe it's the jean jackets and sunglasses. We just don't know.

   Anyone with more than 0 bumper stickers needs to relax

   Twerking is great for working out your legs and daddy issues at the same time

   Justin Bieber Hospitalized for Limp Wrist Injury

   what is the deal with this freaking ISIS? What the heck do they want? Why are they so barbarically slaughtering everyone. Could it be that they are begging for US to return? Could it be that the US is wanting to return? Could it be "hence" thy wre creatd?

   Wish this guy on the bus would take a Smellfie! Smellfie: Quickly taking a whiff of your own pits to see if you stink:

   People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"

   I don't think it's about religion anymore. Some people are just sadists, hiding behind the masks of religion.

   there an "Kentuky chicken bucket challenge" for funds against morbid obesity? If so, I'm in!!!!

   Million $ idea: Website called "dodgedabullet.com" with pics of former hot girls that blew up when you saw them at a reunion.

   There was an explosion in the Men's room where I work. I'm fine but they will have to replace the toilet I was sitting on.

   Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.

   people confuse bad luck and bad decisions way too often

   THIS JUST IN... Isis has announced they will start targeting Golf courses... and Obama has decided to take up shuffleboard.

   I don't think marrying your best friend is such a good idea. Specially cause you're human and he's a dog.