Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.

   Try as you might, ladies, giraffes will always have the deep throat category on lock.

   Ladies if you want me, I'll be in the Friend zone driving under the speed limit as usual.

   A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.

   I like people... From a distance.

   Let's be honest, we all know someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a 2x4.

   Asian gangs, also known as study groups..

   Being white is a gift and a curse. No one suspects me of shoplifting but everyone expects me to know a good casserole recipe.

   I time travel every day, from yesterday to today. . .

   It ain't Ghana happen!! Go U.S.A!!!

   Email, n.: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

   The new Star Wars movie will feature a fat robot to star alongside R2D2 & C3PO. He will be called OBCT!

   Tuesday, aka Monday 2.0

   It's not love if you're sober.

   Am I the only one that thought Ghana would come out wearing their 2014 Miami Heat NBA Champions shirts?

   *Eats one piece of popcorn* *Gets 280 kernels stuck in teeth*

   I've given my couch the best years of my life

   It's not a mental breakdown if the police wasn't called.

   It's such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV

   This Facebook is really cutting into my other time wasting activities.