Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I hear that Happy song one more time I think I'm going to cry.

   I must've missed the end where they all eat orange slices and drink capri suns...

   NFL RULES..... should just accept the the fact that nobody outside USA cares about a game where you run and carry a ball dressed in more padding than a Telly-tubby. :)

   I don't recall any NFL fans ever crying in their beer about no 3rd world fans showing up for the tailgate party.

   Us Yanks play "soccer." We call it "kickball" and play it in elementary school.

   Tim Berners-Lee from Britain invented the world wide web/internet giving millions of idiots from all countries to argue about games that they don't ever play themselves.

   I'm surprised the U.S. world cup team isn't playing Chris Brown... he can really soccer...

   Landon Donovan post match interview in 2010 is the finest example of what we can expect from team USA in the beautiful game.

   Fathers day + My Birthday.. now thats what I call Sonday

   What do tornadoes and divorce in the south have in common? .. Either way, someone's losing a trailer.

   Imagine us on a date. Wrong. You're on fire.

   Marriage. The world's oldest form of identity theft.

   In World Cup news, the England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6...

   The World Cup needs a shot of grape Kool-Aid.

   Just cut myself shaving in the shower. Lost at least 2 pints of Tequila.

   Math never tried to solve any of my problems.

   I feel like I'm being brainwashed to be into liking soccer commercials....

   It's Fathers Day 2mmrw... Ladies plz don't start bashing the whole male species! If ya baby daddy ain't sh*t, you picked him!

   Funny, I have not heard Tracy Morgan say "cracker" in a few days.

   Soccer fans should just accept the the fact that, for good reason, nobody outside the USA cares about anything outside the USA.