Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Justin Beiber's publicist reports that Justinwant to change his name to "Bizzle" to increase his street cred. However music industry insiders say his new name will more than likely be "Justinutha Lonelynizzle"

   Justin Bieber has changed his name, at least on Instagram, to "Bizzle" apparently in order to up his "street cred". Why can't Bieber just up his street cred like rappers do and get shot?

   We have great chemistry and amazing physics.

   I know what you did 23 summers ago - Women

   I just went to the sperm bank but I left. Too many jerkoffs.

   Excuse me sir; you left your weird Jesus pamphlet on your bus seat. Oh yeah? Well here's a revelation for you: that's called littering.

   My safe word is, "gross"

   [Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"

   I died for your sins. Now suck my ding dong! -Jesus

   Obama 'I don't believe military intervention in Syria is the right move for America at this moment'.. In other News..No oil found in Syria

   If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.

   Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.

   Those of you who like food pictures, have you never been in a supermarket?

   My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.

   Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.

   I like to throw hostesses off by shooting back at them with, "Do I look Native American?" after they ask me if I have a reservation.

   According to the study that I never have done, alcohol consumption by stay at home Mom's goes up 500% when school gets let out for the summer.

   There are two things I cannot stand: Racism and Justin Bieber.

   Multi billion dollar nba can't fix the damm AC in time for the finals.....serious!

   I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster!