Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are red Nuts are round Skirts are up Panties are down Belly To Belly Skin to Skin When its Stiff Stick It In

   Might as well change name to Boring S tatus Messages for F acebook.

   If you want to bore your friends to death, this is the right place to get your material.

   Side chicks are always more excited about Valentine's Day than everyone else because for them, its as close as they will ever get to a wedding.

   What time does the funny stuff start around here? I can come back…

   You don't have to be a proctologist to know an @$$h0le when you see one.

   I heard it's no bread, no head. Well ladies, I just picked a loaf up!

   Ignore him and he will go away, simple solution

   If she's special you have to send her a text message to ensure she made it safely to her destination this morning.

   this is just not the place anymore, I'm gonna go pop some pop corn and go watch the movies on facebook!

   Women should just shut up and listen to and do what men say!!

   Ok now the people answerring the idiot are pissing me off!

   Spoiler Alert: Phillip Seymore Hoffman dies at the end of his Facebook movie.

   Does anyone know when Facebook is sending out our W2's?

   I like to punish people who ask me how I'm doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.

   Sorry that changing your hairstyle dramatically didn't fix your life

   How long does someone have to be in a coma before you can eat their fries?

   My Facebook movie got a X rating...apparently Face Book is way more into my X then ME!

   The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise.

   Yesterday, Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea admitted the band faked playing during the Super Bowl. In his defense, so did the Broncos.