Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Marijuana is now legal in Colorado. I guess this gives a whole new meaning to the term Rocky Mountain High.

   Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?

   Oprah has been engaged to her boyfriend Stedman for 20 years and my girlfriend complaining its only been seven years since we got engaged.

   I'm still mad at you for saying I hold grudges.

   Real friends get treated like family. Fake friends get treated like a plague.

   My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and they’re like, hey who is your hot friend.

   Colorado has now legalized pot for retail sales?....I can't wait to see the t.v. comercials for that product. A "dude" comes on t.v. saying things like. "do you have trouble sleeping 18-20 hours a day" or "are cartoons not as funny now as they were when y

   Why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

   Anyone have any spare donkey meat? My local wal mart is out...

   Fellas; no amount of money or fame can ever cover up for the disappointment of a small d*ck.

   WORK THIS WEEK??? - My MIND TELLING me NOOOOOoooo!!!, but my wallet telling me...dude You need more alcohol!!

   Colorado is changing their state flower to "Sinsemilla"

   if you sling enough poop against the wall, eventually some will stick...Lil-David, snotty, stoner dudee and a few others...

   Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears just signed a "No Super Bowl for seven more years" contract today

   My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he's a lamp...what does he know....

   Well I'm planning to do something tomorrow, as long as I have totally finished doing nothing from today. I really like being completely done with nothing which really says something about my dedication to nothing.

   If I get their attention negative or positive I accomplished my intent...

   People with really bad attitudes should move to Colorado and Be Happy And Worry!

   The opinion of one is the opinion of all........

   Why was 6 mad when 7 won her a stuffed elephant? Because 711492!!