Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There is a new Flu Shot for the Window 8 computers

   When wearing a baseball cap a BRO may position the brim at either 12 or 6 oclock. All other positions are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

   A good wife always forgive's her husband when she's wrong..

   Top Gun was so unrealistic,,, Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle.

   I will never forget my grandmas last word; TRUCK!

   I'm not complaining... I'm just saying it would be pretty bad ass if boobs were filled with coffee.

   Guys - if you wanna see her boobs make her laugh. If the laughter is violent enough... sometimes they pop out.

   I see you're unhappily married. Yes, please, take your anger out on happy single people.

   Self control for a teenage girl is seeing a mirror and not practicing your duck face.

   Okay, coffee's kicked in. What were you saying? Oh, sorry. Let me get that duct tape off your mouth.

   Flat screens are nice and all,but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.

   In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.

   Just when I think I'm done being a fool, I see something else super shiny and stupid to do.

   Kanye West spoke at Harvard, just in case you were wondering about the direction of the country.

   Siri, where are my pants?

   Hey girl. Your cleavage is not a YouTube video. More views doesn’t make it any better than the rest.

   You know the economy is bad when black folks can't afford to talk during a movie.

   Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten, b*tch I will muzzle you.

   Have you ever noticed people who work in designer stores have attitudes like they can afford to not work in a store?

   If you hear a guy order a Pumpkin Spiced Latte go ahead and steal his wallet. Trust me, he's not gonna do anything about it.