Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!..

   The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.

   The D matters very little if you can't give her the O.

   after a facebook arguement with you, I delete everything I wrote so as to make you look like a crazy stalker

   The best things in life make no sense.

   Many guys think all women are crazy. That's not true. If they knew one well enough, they wouldn't think that anymore. They'd know it first hand.

   How Am I suppost to keep up this "Dreamy Hair",,, With wind's like this? LOL!

   Paula Deen at home watching the Trayvon Martin case just licking the white part out of Oreos then stepping on the black parts

   it is very hard to defend Nigerians as druglords with that big WHITE line on their national flag.

   I willing to bet all those students with sick student loans weren't business majors...

   first rule of fight club is no fighting. welcome to contradicton club everyone have a seat and dont have a seat. also this isnt contradicton club

   *christopher walken giving tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unnecessary pause* for walken

   "We support gay marriages!!" Signed, wedding planners and divorce lawyers.

   Surprise sex is the best way to wake up... unless you're in prison

   Some of you are so dumb, I don't even know how you found the internet.

   ♫ ♫ I don't know what to do. I don't now WHAT to DO. High ho the dairy ho....I think I'll just drink some wine ♪ ♪

   911: What's your emergency? Me: Do you think I'm pretty

   People who give an unconditional credit to the work of original thinker, writer and doer, deserve an equal plaudit. JOKES they deserve a kick in the ass.

   Women use more words to drop subtle hints than to actually tell the thing.

   Dear advertisers. I'm playing a game I downloaded for free. What about me screams I want to buy your product?