Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's been 10 days since anyone in the NFL has murdered anybody! So Blessed.

   "Herpes!"-What I see when your Facebook status says "Vegas, baby!"

   I don't get how holding the door for a stranger is polite but flushing the urinal for them isn't.

   What do the Smurfs and a Tiffany's diamond have in common? They both come in little blue boxes.

   The tattoos girls lower back should all read; "This Side Up."

   N*gger is now the white man's kryptonite

   Paula Deen loves fried chicken but she don't like no dark meat!

   One things for sure, the catering at Klan rallys just got a lot better!!

   Anyone that eats 6 tacos instead of running will soon be running whether they like it or not.

   So sick of hearing about Paula dean and gay rights and blah blah.. Let everyone live their life and be happy

   I'm tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ's sake people, don't you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!

   The reason why it's so hard to understand Rachel Jeantel at the Zimmerman trial is not because she's uneducated, it's because she has multiple necks. So it just takes a lil longer for her words to travel.

   They're playing Nicki Minaj at the zoo. Wait nope, just a couple of chimpanzees fighting.

   Avoid sharing your alcohol, by surrounding yourself with people that don't drink.

   With the amount of talking they do, why aren't women better rappers?

   There is no point in fighting with an a$$hole. Trust me, they’ve had a lot more practice defending themselves than you.

   Of course absence makes the heart grow fonder. Because thats when you forget what an annoying little bltch they can be.

   I pretend to like people everyday. It’s called being an adult. That’s why we’re allowed to buy booze.

   I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.

   If you can't handle me at my worst I don't blame you because I can be a total ass.