Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder how great philosophers would have felt to see their great knowledge being quoted on Facebook because someone thinks it applies to their baby daddy's issues........hhmmmm

   Maybe if the Spaniards hadn't wiped them all out, the Mayans would have completed their f*cking calendar!

   there a way to write a Yelp review for one of my girlfriend's farts?

   I just finished washing a load of paper plates if anyone's wondering about my bank account balance.

   If you play a Nickleback song backwards you will hear Satanic messages, even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear Nickleback

   Dear old love: I used to fantasize about you dying so that I could be single again. I'm so glad I decided to leave you instead of waiting for you to die.

   I missed my ex today so I reloaded & shot again

   you never see the chihuahua in the Taco Bell commercials anymore...makes me wonder what's in those 99 cent burritos

   Dear ex, can you please return my dignity I left at your place but you can keep my Nickelback Cd collection.

   I wonder who's forehead would win in a head-butting contest between Tyra & Rihanna?

   I will stop Loving you, when an Apple fruit grows on a mango tree, on the 30th Day of February ♥

   If you are not Happy being Single, You will never be Happy in a relationship.

   Big Girls don't cry...(They eat)

   The only time a girl should Kneel down for a guy, is the day she ties her son's shoe-laces.

   Money is not Everything... There's also Visa and MasterCard.

   If you cant be a highway then just be a trail.... If you cant be the sun be a star... It isn't by size that you win or you fail... Be the best of whatever you are.

   We are not Chemicals.. So We can think before Reacting.

   Those Who Live Simply Sleep Peacefully

   Most relationships fail not because of the absence of Love; but because girls Love2Much & Boys Love 2Many.

   Even if I had 1 wish.. I wouldnt wish for you 2 Love me, Cuz I dont want your Love to come from a wish.. But straight from your Heart ♥