Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   WTF are you complaining about?! Unless there is lying, cheating, abuse or stealing involved in your relationship then its not as bad as you're making it out to be!

   run with wolves and you'll howl, associate with eagles and you'll soar!!

   If you're a psychic and you get murdered then no you weren't.

   Remember Grandpa from the show "RugRats"? Was I the only one shocked that his favorite snack was "Fuzzy Ding-A-Ling Bars"?

   How are we suppose to have flying cars if we can't even get AM radio without static?

   Some people need to realize there is a "reply" option and a "reply all button".

   What happens when you pepper spray a German? He can Nazi.

   it okay to fake my own death just so I don't have to spend Christmas with my family?

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   Ladies, you're running out of time to hump your way to some excellent Christmas presents from that guy you're sort of seeing right now.

   Dear Santa, Please bring world peace, a cure to cancer, fix the financial crisis............ and please find, and land your sleigh on Casey Anthony's head. That's all...

   If you choose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance that you will be correct? A) 25% B) 50% C) 60% D) 25%

   I'm hearing Fight's breaking out over new pairs of Jordan's shoe at Mall's across the country. um...there's no punchline to this, just people getting punched in line!

   My ultimate goal in life is to someday sing 800-CASH-NOW in a JD Wentworth commercial.

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Kringle energy drink.:::Do all your work in one night and take the rest of the year off..!!

   roses are redish, violets are bluish, without jesus, we'd all be jewish

   Finished Christmas shopping and gift wrapping over four months ago. The puppy doesn't make as much noise as it used to.

   I went to the garage today to unpack Christmas decorations. I found a present from last year that I had forgotten to give the kids. I was so disappointed! They would really have loved that kitten.