Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I realized Santa wasn't real; when my toys had "Made in China" on them.

   Why is it there's always "that guy" wearing a jersey to a NFL game when his team is not playing there?!?!?

   <----- threw a crate of Milk Duds all over the floor at a Weight Watchers meeting last night....It was the best game of "Hungry Hungry Hippos" I ever saw!

   so.... I'm writing a book about my sexual exploits....Okay....a booklet....FINE....a sticky note then....Whatever....

   while running full speed, that moment between life and death when someone pushes you past your speed limit

   You laugh because you think it's a joke. I laugh because you think I'm joking.

   the moment of horror after talking to a gorgeous woman, when you go to the men's room and spot a visible booger hanging out of your nose.

   the moment of horror when you are in a public restroom, your pee goes in 3 differant directions and you piss on your pant leg.

   I hate ants but I love fire= Not a good combination for the ants.>:D

   when my wife isn't home, i'm the head of the household and what I say goes!!!

   Profile Pictures: Guys- (•_•) Girls- (°3°)

   Amazing,,, that all the xmas gifts I bought today were made in china ,,like what are the odds on that ..!!!

   Dear Santa, I promise to be good next year… ;)

   Nothing like a dysfunctional family trying to function for the Holidays.

   Bathroom model = Body like a stripper + Face like a truck driver!

   Another sign the world is coming to an end: The Packers are losing and the Colts are winning.

   That education connection girl couldn't have graduated because she is still in low budget commercials.

   With the weather being the way it is, the only way you could have a white Christmas is if Santa brought you cocaine.

   For xmas my wife is getting SWIFFA so she can have fun while cleaning too.!!!

   so much for the discount double check aaron rogers