Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop.

   1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people, and you're still single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHA, me too.

   Whats the difference between you and a hippo? One is fat, lazy, ugly, disgusting, smelly, and weird .......then there's the hippo

   What superpower would I want? The ability to know if the bite of food is rotten or moldy BEFORE I stick in my mouth and chew!

   Apparantly Friday was National Day of the Ninja. I was completely unaware of it. Well played Ninja Day… well played

   Life would be so much easier if chocolate was a health food and they allowed drinking at work

   That guy who got busted for having sex on the subway did nothing wrong...He was just 'minding the gap'.

   There is no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in suck.

   Saying "dude." before you say something important.

   I've never had to have the need for mistle toe to get the ladies.

   If you had a real childhood then you'll remember Crash Bandicoot.

   it just me or does anybody else find it weird that the Mets took out a $40 million dollar loan from Bank of America. Considering that they play at Citi Field????

   my common sense is tingling.

   I won't be impressed with technology until I can download money ;)

   Go down a water slide while it isn't wet and then you'll understand why foreplay is so important

   My doctor (me) just decided to up my dosage (smoke more weed)

   That moment of happiness when you find out that everyone hates the same person you hate

   A grown man will buy lingerie for the same reason a kid wants a box of cereal were all after the prize inside

   When you're in the car alone everyone outside is a serial killer.

   That moment of depression when you find out that you ran out of milk for your cereal.