Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   .I texted my girlfriend saying who sang 'Party Rock Anthem'. She replied 'LMFAO'. I don't get what's so funny?

   A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

   Dear whoever is reading this, you're beautiful and someone out there is crazy about you. So smile. Life is too short to be unhappy.

   If the happy in love couples are called "love birds" the miserable fighting couples should be called "angry birds"

   The three stages of a relationship: 1. xoxo, 2. xxx & 3. ex

   If a guy treats you like a princess, he was obviously raised by a queen. If he treats you like crap, well..he was raised by someone along the lines of michael vick.

   ♪ ♫ Rolling In The Deep ♫ ♪ ~ Me in my basement rolling a joint.

   I was on a plane today. The stewardess said, "would you like some headphones?" I said, "sure, but how did you know my name was Phones?"

   Still waiting to here those ghost stories they talk about in the Christmas song It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

   How's your Pagan/christian-Inspired, Secular Winter, Gift-giving, Observance Day shopping going?

   If I ever send you LOL, you should know I prolly faked it! :P

   Mmmmm, Thanksgiving leftovers for breakfast. Babe, can you pour more gravy on the green meat please?

   Saying "Let's hit up dunkin donuts" makes you fat.

   Morning. Cold again outside but I don't mind cos it makes it more Christmasy. And yes that is a word.

   I hope the handcuffs I just found in my apartment are mine.

   My girlfriend is pissed at me because she said that I never something something and that she has something somethings too.

   I bet if you're a stripper, you have panic dreams where you show up in a public place, fully clothed, and you just can't seem to get naked.

   If your bf/gf is deliberately hiding his/her phone from you, your relationship is over. Sorry.

   If you turn on tennis and shut your eyes it sounds like a porno

   If an athlete's photographed with a bong it's an embarrassment; if he's photographed with a beer it's an endorsement.