Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   sticky cinnamon bun, great snack or awsome stripper name?

   Why are these Occupy Wall Street hippies constantly interrupting perfectly peaceful gatherings of angry police officers?

   I let my family know I'm going to Vegas soon, they reply "can we come" I say "do you bring a hooker to Disneyland?" then why would I bring family to Vegas..!

   You may be pushing Christmas a little too much if you take your candle out of your Jack-O-Lantern and stick it in your Window!!...Just Sayin..

   I dont know why these stupid employment agency websites keep suggesting that I link my job application profile to my Facebook page. If employers ever visit my Facebook page, I will never get a job in this lifetime.

   NEW FACEBOOK GAME: Message me your bank account or credit card number & I will post which bill I paid with it, as my status.

   A Game? I don't know. . . Skyrim sounds like something you pay a hooker extra for.

   Hey, if y'all have any good vegan Thanksgiving recipes please rip them up and burn them cause that's freakin' gross.

   Dress well and all doors will open for you. Wear Crocs and all the doors will close on you.

   Ambulances are SUCH drama queens.

   Real Playas put Mistletoe on their belt.

   I wonder how popular the occupy Poland movement will get? #toosoon?

   The wise make good use of prosperity. The stupid buy a $2,000 car and spend $5,000 on rims.

   The Universe is now in harmony. Just saw a redhead drink a Ginger Ale.

   In the immortal words of the great Philosopher, Method Man: "Cash rules everything around me, dolla dolla bill y'all."

   I used to think you took my breath away. Then I realized I was just suffocated by your bulls!ht...

   Wouldn't it be awesome if in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 - the baby turns out to be Blade. And Wesley Snipes slaughters all those teenage vampires.

   Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

   ‎20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the "bad part of town," meaning there was no 4G in that area.

   Whenever I see the new "Obama 2012" bumper sticker, I immediately assume whoever owns that car has been living on the moon for the past three years......just saying