Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know you love someone when you talk to them on the phone while you're on the toilet

   why did the chicken cross the road? "to get to your house"..knock knock..who is there? "the chicken"

   why did the chicken cross the road? To show POSSUM's that it can be done!!

   The English language is the easiest to learn because even if you get it wrong, so do most of the natives

   no, NO, you don't need to apply for a Target credit card in the 10 items or less lane.

   Sometimes you sit in class and listen to the conversations around you and realize you are the smartest person in the room.

   Bullying is absolutely disgusting. If you see it, stand up for the person being bullied. If it happens to you, don't be afraid to tell someone and ask for help. Keep the word going people.

   The next time the hostess asks you respond "No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."

   Girls spend too much time trying to look nice and not enough time trying to act nice.

   Sometimes its better to forget about making people happy and just do what YOU really want to do.

   The next time the hostess asks you "Would you like a table?", you should respond "No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."

   Things were happening around us, but nothing was happening between us.

   Woman's Tongue & Man's eye, 'rest' only when they die..

   GIRL : “Your teeth” BOY : “Yes, what about them?” GIRL : “They remind me of a song” BOY : “Oh really what song ?” GIRL : “Black and Yellow”

   Gossip is the devil's radio station,so don't be the dj

   Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.

   Ya know you had a good night when you wake up next day having used the coffee table as Duvet !!

   Researchers at the Mayo Clinic have found a way to slow the aging process in mice. Because everyone hates old mice

   Just unfriended 3 people for chatting under my status.

   In my experience, passionately singing Phil Collins will clear a room.