Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The worlds economy is in a terrible state, the Ice caps are melting, the Rain Forest is being destroyed and now apparently Justin Bieber has reproduced. Can things get any worse?

   im hungry like a homeless fat guy that made his home out of wafflehouse menus...

   I don't deal well with good-byes. I'm better with good-riddances.

   There's a good chance that any empty can you see rolling along the sidewalk is just Patrick Swayze's ghost learning how to move objects.

   If it's consistency you're shooting for, it's pretty simple to disappoint all of the people all of the time.

   Forgive me Twitter, for I have sinned. It has been 6 hours since my last tweet, and in that time I had thoughts I didn't share.

   "Nonexistent" is my new favorite word. It describes so many things about my life!

   Judge William Adams I hope you go to Fedral Pound you in the Butt Prison

   Some Leaders say: "Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions." God says: "Bring me your problems, I AM your solution!"

   Justin Bieber fathering a love child is hard to believe. Justin Bieber having a love child, now that I can believe.

   Thank you hot syrupy flavor, every morning I wake to savor, I drink you with one eye sleepy that fact I can rhyme this early is kinda creepy

   If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one. Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

   If you can't live without me, Why aren't you dead yet?

   Pat's Wednesday entertanment..... Giving several extra flushes when I hear someone in the stall on their cell phone.........

   remember in grade school when we used our finger to spray away the cooties from a chair?

   There's a fine line between entertaining and irritating.

   My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.

   I just discovered that if you slap the word "phobia" next to any other word, you can be afraid of pretty much anything.

   If money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it in churches?

   A King without a Queen is still a King.