Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Psychiatric labels are nice way of sugar coating the fact that some people are just plain a$$holes.

   I think that gal Flo from the progressive insurance commercials is hot! The same goes for Dee Dee Doodle that smoking hot purple gal with the pink hair and big hands on doodlebops! Yea this abstinance thing I am on is working out great???!!!!

   Procrastination is a disease! I'll do something about it tomorrow.

   I was working and suddenly I am on Facebook.

   SORRY should only be said when it's not going to happen again. Not when you just want to be given another chance to mess up again.

   Lets extend a warm 'Welcome Back' to our Blackberry friends who were momentarily lost in the technology wilderness for the past 20 Hours.

   They always say never work with animals or kids, this is especially true in porn. :/

   I know the exact day I gave up following the path of least resistance. It's on my birth certificate.

   It's time to stop making the same old mistakes in your life. Get creative. Make some new ones.

   Ever want to click on someones status and edit it for them?

   "Our instruments can make sounds!" --all sh!tty indie rock bands.

   To all who lose constantly, never knowing victory, never experiencing a win. You are the champion of that.

   If you consider yourself a percetage of the US, then you're really just worthless to it.

   If you think my wife is hot you should see my girlfriend.

   A slut can't count to 70 because her mouth is full at 69

   In solidarity with my Blackberry friends, I am not updating my st@tus until they are fully back on-line.

   Please don't promise me something I never asked for and then change your mind the moment I fall for it.

   V@gina is such an ugly word for ovary cave

   I guess my second puberty where I get a pen!s is never going to happen.

   Bring Your Child To Work Day; must be awkward for prostitutes.