Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   happy and I knew it and then I clapped my hand, everyone thought I was weirdo :/

   Evolution is just nature's way of issuing upgrades.

   Live each day like you're marked for deletion.

   I drank so much this weekend, that if Dracula bit my neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

   When I stop talking and just walk away, it doesn't mean you've won. It means I'm not wasting any more time on your stupid ass.

   We are the WTF generation : Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

   Wats the point of having emergency vehicle  turn the lights on n driving below the speed limit on an empty street! 

   If Monday had a gender it would be female... they are always a b!tch. If they were easy, it'd be a slut.

   Rolling a piece of toilet paper up and sticking it in your ear and just letting it hang there makes it awkward for people to talk to you.

   She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of 10 said their place.

   Who the f*ck threw this "work" thing right in the middle of my Facebook time? Am I being Punked?

   My life wasn't complete until I met you,,,,,,, You COMPLETELY ruined it. Thanks...

   It's ironic that there's only one I in Forest Whitaker.

   I delete the recent history from my profile for the same reasons I don't go to church. It gives people the wrong impression and it makes Jesus roll his eyes.

   I liked you a lot more before I met you.

   you know it wasn't always called bipolar, it once was called being a b!tch

   The show "Toddlers and tiaras" was named that way because "Strippers in training" and "Mothers with self esteem issues" just wasn't as catchy.

   Being funny on Facebook at 2 a.m. is like seeing a UFO... no one gets to see it or believes you.

   FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.

   when you were little and your parents closet looked huge. Now you have one filled and nothing to wear... so sad