Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks that you are never too old to talk into a fan to hear your robot voice.

   A back-up plan means your plan sucks.

   A nice name for a girl would be Regrette.

   I don't know how anybody gets attacked by sharks...As soon as I heard that first, "Dun, Dun." I'd be out of there.

   I would like to see the original blue prints for the city Starship built on rock and roll.

   My biological clock must be off.. I'm getting morning wood in the evening

   I just watch my dog chase his own tail for 10 minutes and I was like, "Wow dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.....

   Have you ever deleted a "friend?" If so, what was your rationale?

   Besides seeing it on money, 'government' and 'trust' do not mix.

   Why are people always trying to get into shape?? Round is a shape!

   My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).

   Why is it that I have to take medication to stop myself from slapping people who need to take medication?

   Whenever you feel like an idiot, just remember that flushing the toilet correctly already makes you less of an idiot than someone else

   it time for your medication or mine?

   Put deep thought in before you jump that little fence to "greener pastures". Because when you try to go back, and you probably will try, that same fence may become an infinite wall...

   What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?... I don't have a Ferrari right now.

   Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking "I'm gonna ki..- ahh damn! She's under a blanket."

   I am going on a date with a girl I met on Facebook. I warned her that she better look like her profile photo, or she buying me beer until she does!

   You're so trashy, I'm surprised the garbage man doesn't try to pick you up with the rest of the trash bins.

   Okay. They really should change the name of Judge Judy's show to: "Evidence, Shmevidence. He Just LOOKS Guilty!"