Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   due to the london roits , london calling and anarchy in the uk sales have soared

   May those who love us love us, and those who do not love us, may God turn their hearts, and if He cannot turn their hearts may He turn their ankles that we may know them by their limping.

   Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.

   The benefit of always going in to work late is that when you're on time, people think you're early.

   Wow, some people will do anything for a "like" on Facebook. Anyways if you agree like my status.

   What a day, I'm so tired already! I sent three faxes, answered the phone once, had lunch, made a paper airplane and sent 452 updates.

   Few things broadcast one's idiocy like driving a car that has wheels that look like they cost more than the car itself.

   Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

   Society needs both optimists and pessimists. For example, an optimist invented the airplane while a pessimist invented the parachute.

   Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."

   I generally don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

   Well-behaved people rarely make history.

   So...... Stub Hub isn't a dating site for quadriplegics?

   Few things broadcast one's idiocy like driving a car that has wheels that look like they cost more than the car itself

   Just once on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition", I'd like to hear someone in the family say, "This isn't quite what I had in mind

   Good News! Gas is supposed to drop under $3/gal! Now we can afford to drive by the job we used to have, the home we used to own & the bank we used to have money in....

   Just heard Obama is going on a 9-day vacation, I just assumed he's been on vacation.

   Completed 19 yrs in this life.,.,., but will always be "18 TILL I DIE"

   On the 4th day of rioting my tru love gave to me, 3 Nike trainers, two ps3's, and a samsung HDTV !

   Wanna lose weight? Try the grapefruit diet. Eat something...follow with half a grapefruit. Eat something else...half a grapefruit. So far today I've had 94 grapefruits.