Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A man hit my fender the other day and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But not in those words.

   Owning a Blackberry is saying that you can afford a nice cell phone, but not quite wealthy enough for an Android/smart phone.

   I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends.

   All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.

   Everyone has the capacity to learn from their mistakes. I learned a lot today.

   If Miley Cyrus trips and falls, is it considered a hoedown?

   The people who deserve nothing, are handed everything.

   Ahhh.. Time for bed. The only time where I don't worry about anything other than total relaxation.. Pffff.. Jk I lay their for 30 mins then masturbate.

   When I was a kid, I used to think that the moon followed my car

   If you don't have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.

   Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.

   I do my best proofreading right after I hit send

   You may be worthless to one person, but priceless to another. You just have to be smart enough to differentiate between the two.

   Love is in the air...and i'm wearing a gas mask.

   Why are you tryin so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out

   Certain things which are crucial to a given activity will show up with uncommon regularity until the day when that activity is planned, at which point the thing in question will disappear from the face of the earth.

   A man was arrested after he broke into a sex shop & used a blow-up doll. He was chrgd with breaking & entering & entering.

   My friend accused me of gossiping. I took offense because I've heard from several sources that she is the one that gossips.

   Game Day...Here's to hoping USA wins the world cup, and a Hope Solo flash ; )

   eating pop rocks and drinking pop. Aint dead yet..