Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   try to say the letter `M` without your lips touching.

   People who say "If I disappeared, no one would notice" are wrong. Anyone who actually saw you vanish would be pretty freaked out.

   you know its over when there's nothing left to say

   If you can't get them off your mind...then maybe they're supposed to be there.

   Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.

   wonders if makers of Raisin Bran and Grape Nuts ever get "Post" traumatic stress...

   What goes around comes around. That's what people say. So all the pain you caused me will come back to you someday.

   This girl in the street yelled to me "OMG!! Your so hot! I want you!!" Its true. You can ask Brad Pitt he was right behind me.

   Just once I want to see a marathon winner cross the finish line and immediately fire up a cigarette.

   The only people that don't make mistakes are those that aren't doing anything

   that happy feeling you get when you see your bus coming.

   Pretty words aren't always true & true words aren't always pretty.

   just bought this book called "What Men Think About Besides Sex and Money"...... It's 500 Blank Pages...... :-/

   Dear Trash, At least you get picked up...Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

   Dear iPhone, Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shutSincerely, Every iPhone User .

   Why does my leg hurt after falling asleep? is it pissed off because I woke it up? It needs to be glad I am just waking it up and not cutting it off.

   You want to know who's amazing and got that cutest smile ever? Read the first word again :D

   Somebody just texted me saying..what does IDK mean? And I replied I don't know, she said OMG nobody knows!!

   DMV kicked Lebron James out of the organ donor program for having NO HEART......

   Word of warning...never sneeze while eating powder donuts and driving all at the same time, it plays hell trying see thru the spray on the windshield!