Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am watching a homeless dude outside of a building using his reflection in the window to help him shave.

   The minute people fall in love they become liars

   I hate trying new clothes on in the dressing room and then looking at yourself in the mirror after putting your old clothes back on.

   When someone from customer service says, "that is an excellent question"... they're basically saying they don't have a clue about the answer.

   Looks like Hugh Hefner's fiance finally got her cataracts removed and called off the wedding realizing she'd have to wake up everyday next to a dude that looks worse than the dead guy on "A Weekend at Bernie's"

   so this lady is buying a birthday card and diet suppliments, cant help but wonder if these items are not related or if she's just a b!tch

   I miss that age when I THOUGHT I knew everything. Cause now that I do, it's kinda depressing...

   sorry babe, I'm not lighting candles to be romantic.......lighting candles cause I just took a dump

   I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t

   Everything happens for a reason & sometimes it's better for us not to know that reason.

   Heart breaks are like a broken mirror, you can still put the pieces together, but the cracks will still remain. 

   What happens in an exam : Tik tok, Mind block, Pen stop, Eye pop, Full shock, Jaw drop, Time up, No Luck.

   There's 8 letters in I LOVE YOU but there's also 8 letters in BULLSH!T!

   Love is like a rubber band. At first we keep on pulling and pulling. Then when someone let go, it hurts the person who holds on.

   Take the chance, live out your dreams, make life better than it seems.

   People shouldn't be judged by who they date, what skin color they are, and etc..If they are happy together, then let them live their lives..

   I graduated with a 4.0 … Blood Alcohol level.

   Your opinion of me DOESNT define who I AM.

   "Silence is the best answer for all questions" "Smiling is the best reaction in all situations".

   there's always that one person who takes a few minutes to get the joke...