Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For 30min. I watched the evening news, and in the entire 30min the only truths I could confirm, were in the commercials. :(

   How do you pronounce "cicada"? What?!? WHAT?!? I can't hear you!

   Never tell anyone about your problems-90% don't care about them, 8% are glad you have them, and the remaining 2% will charge you 200$ or more an hour to listen to them"

   not a gynecologist but I can take a look at it

   It takes a big man to cry, it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man

   BBQ rule: no drama goes on at my BBQ, if your'e in a fight with your mate don't come, if you just broke up and want to talk about it call a family member, BBQs are for FUN only

   pleasure and frustration, right as you're about to cum, they do a 10 second shot of the dude's face!

   Did you hear about the new Emo/Action film? They just cut to the chase scene.

   BBC News- "Mobiles 'may cause brain cancer'" download our iphone app for more on this story

   a 1984 Buick Skylark with a 2.5 liter 4 cylinder that can go zero to sixty in 37.2 seconds. Top that.

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.

   I'm red all over. From my head tomatoes.

   There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.

   Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives.

   WARNING: Asking people about their weekend may result in them telling you about it.

   If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.

   No one ever seems to realize that when your EX says after you brake up, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you again," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   That awkward moment when you give a mint to a person with a horrible bad breath....they take it, then put it in their pocket!

   I'm tall dark annd handsome...when its dark, I'm handsome...btw...I'm really not tall either