Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   OMG.... at 3pm, 6pm in the east I felt this horrible shaking and noise and thought, OH NO AHHHH..IT'S TIME...WTH!!!. Then I realized it was the washing machine out of balance.

   Holy Crap!! I was sitting there wondering why no one was posting and thought I was the only one left... Its All Good.. I accidently logged into my MySpace account.. That was a close one!

   I am either going to hell or the rapture was a hoax!!

   Oh, thank god! My barbecue will not be postponed.

   so over hearing about the religious quacks and Arnold. You are all giving me a tumah!

   Harold Camping is selling his "Magic 8-ball", anybody interested?

   Sam and Dean stopped the rapture!

   hmm still alive... either Sam and Dean stopped it, "Macho Man" called it off, or god is waiting on his crops in farmville...

   The jockey on the winning horse in the Preakness was Jesus. Coincidence? I think not

   i wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could drown you in them

   I think the rapture stopped along the way for happy hour so that might explain the brief delay... I heard he's hanging out with the Dos Equis guy, the way that cat parties we might get a few extra days...

   looks like Harolds ass will be camping outside the Pearly Gates by his damn self.

   You see a big brown van blocking you in a parking space......I see logistics!!

   I predict the end of the world will happpen when nobody foresees it.

   My dear, I know I need Jesus...because that palm tree is way too high for me to climb and trim myself...

   ATTENTION: The Apocalypse scheduled for this year has been canceled due to time zone confusion.. sorry for the inconvenience.. they will try again next year

   Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday.

   i love zombies, we got a lot in common... we both want some brain.

   Fortunatly the end of the world didn't occur today. Sam and Frodo managed to reach Mount Doom and destroy the ring of power. Golemn didn't make it though.

   Sometimes we struggle through a tasteless coffee till the last sip,then we find sugar lying at the bottom. -THAT'S LIFE Sweetened but not stirred well..!!