Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just got hit on by a decent looking guy working at Ralphs... He ended up asking 4 my # & I said,"Oh & 2 packs of parliament lights & I'll b paying w my food stamp card." Turns out, no decent looking dude wants to date a 2 pack a day,low income poor woman?

   FYI... 1st person to complain about the heat this summer, will be deleted from my friends list, ohhhh & if I see you out in public--I'll slap ur face...

   Feel the pain of 9.99999 Karma points *smack*

   Would you be freaked out if I told you that I was updating this from inside your closet?

   My Born Again Christian friend with the Porsche is wondering why I've been following him around all morning........

   I've never fully accepted or mastered many of the key elements of being a grown up.

   How can Judgement day Saturday? I've not even finished building Skynet yet!

   If nothing happens tomorrow, I'm still bashing heads!

   getting my baseball bat and ninja sword ready for tomorrow

   Breaking News: It's now Rapture Day in Japan and nothing has happened so far. In related news: True believers starting to come up with excuses.

   Even if you are not a zombie tomorrow, I'm still going out of my way to smash your face

   Y couldn't judgement day begin on Monday!? why did it had to ruin my weekend!?

   I lost my balance crawling into bed and leaned my head on the ceiling to prevent from falling over.

   The Macho Man is going to be the coolest and most badass Zombie.

   RIP Macho Man. He must of had an early boarding pass for the rapture. You will be missed......

   I wonder if anyone's going to organize a Slim Jim light vigil in honor of Randall Mario Poffo.

   R.I.P. "Macho Man" Randy Savage. I'll do a flying elbow drop from the foot of the bed to salute you!

   Remember Billy Gilman? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was Allison Krauss the whole time.

   Macho Man died today. He is survived by his wife and their one son Koolaid Man.

   Driving while snappin in to a slimjim is a bad idea....