Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do we call the science of classifying living things?... Racism

   A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That`s because they are usually dead by age 40

   decided that I am not an alcoholic...I am an extreme social partier with a drinking habit...I say habit because a problem is something you want to fix!"

   why do some people say Math instead of Maths? ,, its Mathematics not Mathematic..

   The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they've granted President Obama full citizenship

   I gotta get outta this funk, I've somehow lost my spunk. I'm not cheery, or happy, and I hate feeling crappy. Perhaps I should just get drunk!"

   You know you drank too much last night when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator."

   BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

   Everytime I drink I break my "No" button. Yes, I want another drink. Yes, you can take me home. Yes, I'm sure I can drive. Yes, I will dance on the bar."

   Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!"

   I like to consider myself like King Soopers...I too, take pride in the quality of my meat.

   People who say you "tweet too much" need to take their asses back to MYSPACE cause you won't be seeing anything "too much".

   Dear Nike, I did it. Now what happens? Sincerely, Pregnant teen.

   Don't tell me your sorry when your not, you only say sorry when you get caught.

   Twitter: What's happening? Facebook: What are you thinking? MySpace: Where is everybody?!

   I love watching two girls meet for the first time. Its easily the fakest thing I have ever seen.

   Dear warm weather, thank you for having the wonderful ability to remove clothing from these gorgeous girls on campus

   Ironically, I gain my very own instant gratification by denying yours.

   Just because I flirt with you doesnt mean I like you.

   It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme."