Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I love Swamp people...."choot em, hurry choot em"

   wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said!!

   everybody makes mistakes.... just ask your parents!

   Some people were dropped as a baby, but then there's some that were clearly thrown at the wall

   My farts aren't usually this loud. This chair just makes them echo.

   going to the drive-in in my RV and parking right in front of you!

   Doing the job of three men, Larry Moe and Curly.

   Angry Birds suicide hotline, which level are you stuck on?

   I think it's okay for dorks to stare at beautiful women. I mean, it's not like they can see us anyway.

   Money doesn't bring happiness although… shopping does!

   Drama = Dumb Retard Asking for More Attention

   Don't waste your time on things that only hurt you, and remember to forget those who forget you.

   The person who loves you more.. Will fight with you daily.. Without any reason But.. Whenever you're sad he will fight with the world to end your sadness..

   just ate from an unmarked tupperware container at the back of the fridge. I think it was chicken yogurt.

   You know you were raised Catholic when you're watching Star Wars and hear "the force be with you" and you respond "and also with you."

   searching Netflix for a movie to watch and found one that's titled after what all the women of my past have said to me... "I Love You, Don't Touch Me!"

   God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fees.

   The only thing I know of that is beautiful & ugly at the same time is seeing one of my updates stolen. Oh, and Angelina Jolie taking a dump.

   WARNING FOR ATTRACTIVE MEN: Aliens have come to Earth and are planning to abduct the smart and good-looking. But don't worry, I've alien-proofed my bedroom. You can be safe there...

   When did advertising with tweakers and homeless people with signs become the norm?