Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In all fairness - now that President Obama has shown his long form birth certificate... He should demand Trump to show that his hair is real and to prove it or just finally shut up!! As he's starting to sound crazier than Charlie Sheen!! Winning

   You know you need to go grocery shopping when your grapes start tasting like wine

   Why is the Queen dressed like the guy who owned Curious George?

   This morning William said "Good morning, Mrs. Duchess," Kate said "Good morning, Mr. Duke," and then a sparrow threw up.

   Never trust a man that comes out of a bathroom with dry hands...

   I had no idea Elton John married Matt Lauer?!

   He's really got his father's scalp.

   So they don't have Rogaine in England, huh?

   Did anyone else see Gary Busey get married this morning?

   damn I hope Prince William is Secretly gay. That will split that snooty ass family apart..

   I didn't watch the royal wedding but I had a disturbing dream that Queen Elizabeth and Queen Latifah did a "chest bump" during the nuptuals! :/

   it just me or do women's sunglasses get bigger and bigger and bigger?!? Relax with those things, eventually we have to see your face with your colored contacts and fake eye lashes.

   noticed that while someone is speaking to him, 80% of his inner dialouge is wondering if his face looks interested

   just ate a Kit Kat and a multivitamin, like a F'n American!

   ate broccoli twice yesterday and now his car smells like a mobile crematorium that only cooks buttholes.

   Call me when there's a Royal Honeymoon video....

   the royal wedding is as close to porn for females as you're ever gonna see...except Twilight

   With all the ugly hats and horse teeth, I thought it was the Kentucky Derby...

   Congratulations goes out to Kate Middleton. She just married Cap'n Crunch

   I still think Princess Fiona's wedding with Shrek was better.