Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him.

   I believe that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free

   Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube.

   Walk into kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote you lost 30 minutes ago

   You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about.

   1 Universe, 8 Planets, 7 Continents, 809 Islands, 204 Countries, and I had the privilege of meeting you.

   The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

   There no need to miss someone from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. 

   I just ate the chocolate off of 6 peanut butter eggs and now I have a pile of peanut butter... Yeah boyee!!!!!!!!

   It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

   I couldn't stand to see you hurt. I would have to sit down, then I could really enjoy the show.

   Today I caught myself smiling... I was thinking of you... Don't flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.

   You know that chemical that gets released in our bodies after sex that makes us think we like someone, hey science can you get rid of that?

   The world is gonna throw us a million reasons why this won't work out between us, but I'm armed with the one reason why it will.

   Made a list of all the things I still want to do while I'm alive. I put "listen to a Justin Bieber cd" straight after "Suicide". Cant wait...

   NCAA Championship: are you kidding me?. More like the best 'slapstick' comedy ever!

   you better get a condom for your heart cause i'm about to f*ck your feelings...

   Dilemma: do I the wash dishes, or attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

   Enrique Iglesias is far too pretty to be swearing in his songs. Its like being flipped off by a unicorn.

   Facebook should change it from 'Friends' to 'People I've made eye contact with