Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?"

   Pandora tells me what music I like, Netflix tells me what movies I like.. Refrigerator: Why are you such a slacker?!"

   it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?

   I heard that the world is going to end in 2012, because that's only as far as the Mayan calendar goes. But the news gets even worse: I checked MY calendar, and it only goes to the end of this year!"

   The DOW is up 200 points. NBC is down 2 1/2 men

   Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.

   A buffet is where you find out what kind of person you really are.

   Its one of those days when even fortune cookies are against me.

   engaged............................................in a battle against soberism.

   If I were you, I'd get a helmet and some crayon's and call it a day..

   when someone posts "Just some exciting news!" Don't comment or "like". Thats what they want you to do. Just wait it out. They will post what the news is soon enough.

   When a woman says "I know what I want", you know she is lying.

   does anyone else instantly turn into a 3 year old and can't find there mouth as soon as they put on a white shirt

   ever felt you are just one good sh*t away from the perfect tummy??

   watched that new gay television soap series called, 'Leave it, it's Beaver!'

   With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm going to be BAD this year and hope Santa brings me COAL!!!

   I had to sell my halo to Cash4Gold, So I blame the economy for my attitude....

   Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!...WITH A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA!! Crap, didn't work.

   March 4th. I like tomorrows date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   Sometimes I know I shouldn't......and that's exactly why I do.