Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?

   My FB account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.

   there is a thin line between love and hate....and I'd like to pick up that line and strangle you with it.......

   A lock of Justin Bieber's hair is on auction on ebay current bid at 10,000 $ no wonder the worlds gone to the dogs

   There is Breast Cancer, be Aware of it.......There! Doesn't that promote Breast Cancer Awareness a lot better than writing the name of a Fruit or the Colour of your Bra as your Facebook status?!?

   I know KARATE and like 2 other japanese words.

   Some women need to learn that "about average" isn't in the 5'5", 175 lbs range!

   What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.

   I am pretty sure that my cute neighbor thinks that I am a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter and in her diary.

   All of my passwords are "incorrect" so my computer always tells me if I forget.

   The guy that did Super Size Me should of done it during Monopoly month.

   I THINK MY WIFE THINKS I'M TO NOSEY AND ALWAYS IN OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS. I AM SURE SHE FEELS THAT WAY BECAUSE I READ IT IN HER DIARY......

   Never be ashamed of who you are. Be ashamed of who you pretend to be.

   How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so?

   I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

   I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.

   I don't like to think of death as losing someone...i like to think of it as gaining a ghost!!

   You know those intense unexplained pains you get sometimes? You deserve those.

   wondering how much you would do for a klondike bar.

   Just to be sure, I write "That's You!" on all my mirrors