Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Why do people re-post the same status? It wasn't funny 2 days ago. It's still not funny today

   Dear Facebook...All we asked for was a Dislike button.. Not more options on how to stalk people!

   The words "Haters" and "Swag" are overused by the people who have neither.

   Life is too short to wake up with regrets.So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it, and if it changes your life, let it. Enjoy life: you only have one!

   People who use that snobby pronunciation of "vase" make me want to punch them in the foz.

   Have you ever noticed people who work in designer stores have attitudes like they can afford to not work in a store?

   People who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still updates their MySpace profiles

   I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.

   Farted on the bus, 4 people turned around, felt like i'm on "The Voice"

   "Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.

   #Remembers #A #Time #When #People #Used #To #Write #Without #Using #This #!

   I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.

   Stupid people should be made to pay for Oxygen.

   People with kids, your p0sts are all the birth control I need.

   I wonder if the people who live above me will let me come up and pet their elephants...

   Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

   I really admire people who exercise. This cake is dedicated to you.

   My trust issues are so bad that I don't even believe people when they use their turn signals.

   You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.

   The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise.