Funny Status Messages

   I finally realized it... People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they are called cell phones.

   He's never won against a man. Lolllllll

   I don't care how good looking you are if you don't have any brains." -Zombies

   Well behaved men rarely make history.

   I’m just saying if McDonald’s is selling an Irish-themed shake they should have the decency to throw a little booze in it.

   To devote yourself to one man, and worshiping him like a god seems pretty...well...you know.....gay.

   I got a job at Comcast and completed training so I could fix my own cable because it was faster than being on hold with customer service. ‬

   The closest thing to a 4.0 average I ever got in college was my Blood Alcohol Content.

   Life is like peeing up a drain pipe, it all comes back to you.

   My four moods: 1. I need coffee. 2. I need a nap. 3. I need a vacation. 4. I need duct tape, rope, and a shovel.

   Kentucky Fried Tornado

   If humans are involved, the propensity for disaster exists.

   Do you suppose Ghosts believe in People??

   Trying to intentionally lose a game of Rock Paper Scissors is just as difficult as trying to win.

   I saw this kid dressed as Batman. He was walking around with his alive parents. What a poser.

   At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

   I should know better never to drink coffee after midnight as it just turns me into a real night owl whoo can't sleep.

   I was listening to Sirius XM radio yesterday, and "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is" by Chicago came on. I said, "It's 3:19." No response. No "thank you" or "I appreciate it." Nothing.

   Oh, Daylight Saving Time, why hast thou forsaken us?

   Jesus final words on Good Friday " Don’t eat my chocolate. I’ll be back Monday."