Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear Santa! I want a fat bank account and a sexy body with rock hard abs for Christmas. Let's not get those two mixed up like you did last year.
←Rate | 12-01-2022 19:21 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Platypuses are the only animals that produce both eggs and milk, making them portable sources of omelets
←Rate | 04-27-2022 16:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm glad McDonald's doesn't sell hotdogs. I'd feel really awkward ordering a McWeiner, and don't even get me started on Super Size.
←Rate | 06-24-2021 18:18 by MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever named it Parmesan cheese and not spaghetti confetti missed a great opportunity.
←Rate | 03-25-2025 10:41 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon An episode of Unsolved mysteries, but it’s just parenting a teenaged boy and trying to figure out why you’re out of moisturizer again.
←Rate | 08-19-2021 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That's why I think of jogging every morning...
←Rate | 06-28-2022 17:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How did people know when Edison got the idea for the lightbulb? If it didn't exist yet, you wouldn't see a lightbulb above him that he just had an idea
←Rate | 02-27-2023 14:51 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'm cleaning house and thinking that I need a car that runs on dog hair.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 13:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beyonce and Taylor Swift said they are sending their prayers to the fire victims in California. I feel like such a jerk. All I did was send them money.
←Rate | 01-11-2025 09:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small!" -Mrs. Grinch
←Rate | 12-17-2022 15:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never in the history of Calm Down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.
←Rate | 04-23-2022 08:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course I care about the environment. I spray air freshener every time I leave the restroom don’t I?
←Rate | 04-26-2022 08:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
←Rate | 08-16-2023 09:00 by RobbieG Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. You're actually still defending him! You people really are f*cking nuts.
←Rate | 04-09-2025 20:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Feeling like I have been eaten by a coyote and pooped off a cliff
←Rate | 09-24-2025 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to put Aunt Jemima next to the Uncle Ben in my pantry. I'm hoping for a love connection.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 09:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just smuggled 40 kilos of eggs in the US and now my name is Pablo Eggscobar.
←Rate | 02-01-2025 09:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have to make it to heaven, I want to see Circuit City and Blockbuster again.
←Rate | 07-08-2024 00:55 by Darkharbinger Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last year, every other message here was attacking Biden and praising Trump. Now, almost every single one of those people are gone. Because they finally realize what a loser Donald is lol.
←Rate | 03-17-2025 08:31 by Tosisreal Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...and the meltdown continues!
←Rate | 03-20-2025 01:04 Comments (0)  




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