Funny Status Messages

   Another school shooting? Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't go to school with a bunch of white kids....

   LOOKING TO PURCHASE A STRIPPER POLE, USED PREFERRED ( I like to lick them ;) :P )

   My Mom texted me, "What does IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?" I answered, "I don't know, love you, and talk to you later." She said, "Ok I'll ask your sisters."

   Oh yeah, well this girl I know had her baby shower in the rec room in the projects. I wish it was a joke to, but it is not... lol

   I was talking SOCCER, not RUGBY...Stay on subject...EEJIT!!

   Let's refer these annoying mereeecans as south Canadians. Game set match

   Good guys with guns are all over the place. because they are to insecure to take matters into their own hands.

   I have "plan B" dates....everytime I make the plans, my date wants to abort & not go through with it

   Only people who buy Corvettes are 40 year olds fearing mid life and his wifes social disabilities. Buy a real car.

   Why people diss Wal-Mart? Is it so great that it has the most number of haters?

   I don't care how hot you are, honey...if I go to "toss the salad" and you didn't clean up right...it's over.

   Did anyone else leave the new Dark Knight movie looking forward more to the next Anne Hathaway movie than another sub par attempt at the Dark Knight

   To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn't easy...

   Who in their right mind would actually eat secret document paper? Has to be a fat person.

   If the fine for not wearing a mask is $100 for the first time. Does anyone know where I can get a season pass?

   I think sweatshirts and sweatpants should be called something different. Who was the idiot that said, "hey, let's name this garment something that let's everyone know that it's purpose is to soak up bodily fluid!" That's DISGUSTING!!! Perspire attire?!?!?

   This status is brought to you by the makers of Fug detergent. If Duz won't do it and Rinso won't rinse it, Fug it.

   "Waiter! What is this fly doing in my soup?" "Uh, the backstroke, Sir."

   I have a toothache. Sorta. Some chick with loose teeth was giving me skull and bit me. There's a bicuspid implanted in my c*ck.

   I tried watching a hockey game last night. I was bored, so I opted for a little more excitement. I switched over to the Fireplace Channel on Netflix.